should be working out but going to jump on my soap box instead...

if jeff reads this title he will think this entry is about MY rant, outcry, opinion or disgust with the health care problem/political debate...it is not.

while feeding mari i do what i usually do and check face"crack", i mean facebook to see what is the latest in status updates because what else is there to do with a baby attached to a boob.

a young mother herself has moved from the ftw area to a east coast location and in her new location notices that there are not as many young mothers like herself. now her wording may have been where the negative comments began, however, she was merely pointing out the growing trend in young unwed mothers. sorry people, but it is TRUE and statistics show it follows demographics, religious beliefs and some areas of our country see more...young girls are not as concerned about unprotected sex as they once were and there is not as much fear of being a young mother.....

in my own experience i am the oldest daughter of a young mother (single most of my growing up years), the sister of one very young mother, the sister of a semi-young mother and my own best friend entered parenthood just out of high school. * i personally choose to wait until my later years to become a parent but i made many a hard choices in my younger years to emotionally and physically support sister and be there for my friend.

for me, i wanted to graduate college, i was the first from my mother's side of the family to do so. i also, watched the hardships my mother endured as a young single mother and how it reflected on mine and my sisters childhood. i wanted to do things differently....i wanted the "all american family". i wanted to be able to financially support myself and know i would never look to someone else for my next meal or to pay my rent.

so for me, i graduated college, worked several jobs and supported myself through this experience. i almost married at a young age and often reflect on where i would be if i had done so. i would not be who i am today, nor do i believe i would be in that marriage. so many experiences during my 20's have made me who i am today....i am not as cold hearted, angry or judgemental as i was in my younger years. i looked for and found a love i had never known with my husband. i travelled and established some financial security....BUT it is because of the hard years i withstood as a child that encouraged this choice.

i have seen many young mothers work hard and love their children through those years while still trying to find themselves. and i have seen some fail and continue to as they never grew up enough to put their children first.

i believe whether it is a religious belief, personal experience or the fear of STD's we need to talk to our young people about unprotected sex. as the mother of three girls i certainly want to raise three strong, educated young women who will think before they act. i don't yet know the best way to achieve this.....but, i believe a strong relationship with both jeff and i is the first step. i also believe there is no reason for teenagers to be grown ups....

my point is most young parents truly love their children and could not image life without them. but, it is okay to admit being a young parent is tough and at times extremely difficult. not that parenting at 34 is easy but i believe i have different advantages with my age. it is up to us to encourage young people to achieve financial and emotional security before making choices that can lead to young parenthood. YOUNG PEOPLE....ENJOY LIFE, FIND YOURSELF, BUILD FINANCIAL SECURITY ...YOU HAVE A LIFETIME TO START A FAMILY!

*my best friend stood strong as a young mother, one of the only to finish her senior year of high school, go to prom and walk across the stage at 7 months pregnant. she choose to work hard to support herself and son instead of entering a bad marriage. she waited and found her prince charming. at that time it was more common for girls to quit school vs being seen at school pregnant. she is also the mother of two toddlers now with a teenage son, i believe she would be the first to say those early years were difficult and that she is very grateful to be able to stay home to raise her children. and that parenting is totally different when you older, more financially stable and wiser but she would not trade any of it for her son.

personal disclaimer......i was drunk while posting this............not really, but if i offended you please tell yourself it was the bottle of wine i had for breakfast...........not really, but if it makes you feel better i am crazy.............well, that is yet to be completely true, only slightly and it depends on the amount of coffee, chocolate and alcohol flowing through my blood.

the best day of my life...

i wanted to post this on october 5th but like always i did not make it on time. Izabel Jean just turned three...i can not believe three years have come and gone so fast. well, really 3 and 3/4 years because i count being pregnant part of our bonding time. i always knew i wanted to have children and many of them. being the "perfect mother" has been my lifetime goal (trust me, i know i am not close to perfect but i strive to be).

2004 was a busy year, first, jeff asked me to be his wifey, then the wedding, then in november i had my third and final surgery for cervical cancer. it was a scary time, one doctor told us stage two, close to three but in the end the oncologist said it was early stage two. going into surgery that day in november we did not know if all the girly parts would have to be removed or not....i was so worried. while i most defiantly did not want the cancer anymore i was mourning the perhaps loss of having our own children. luckily all was taken care of and i kept my girly parts.

2005....i drowned my sadness in almost not being able to have children and worrying that maybe we still may never be able to get pregnant in exercise. i became obsessed....i was even "fibbing" to jeff about my work hours because i was spending three hours (at least) a day at the gym or running. yes, i had the second best body of my life** in october i had my first miscarriage after actively trying to get pregnant since my surgery, it was not so devastating being as i didn't even know i was pregnant yet. then on december 25th i miss carried for the 2nd time. this time i was devastated, i was 7 weeks along and knew i was pregnant.

2006....somehow after two years of trying and two miscarriages in three months we conceived izzy. at this point i was seeing a high risk doctor and after many test discovered my body does not produce enough folic acid. those first 12 weeks i worried so much about this baby growing in my womb. i would leave my spin class as soon as my heart rate went up past 138...i held my breathe with each and every cramp. which were just my uterus stretching to accommodate this baby. so at 8 weeks when jeff and i heard our "it's" heartbeat for the first time i cried and continued to do so for the next four weeks. (my poor husband) at 13 weeks we started to tell our closest friends and on mother's day we told the grandmas. at 20 weeks i was not concerned if we were having a girl or a boy....i just wanted to know all the baby's organs and limbs were there. however, once i knew we were having a daughter i was elated. at that moment we knew you would be izzy jean. (at the time using elizabeth instead of izabel).

of course my due date came and went and i forced jeff to walk several very slow miles each night in hopes of izzy's arrival. i also ate lots of jalapenos....yeah none of those old wise tales work. my labor started on october 4th, after tracking the contractions for 5 hours we headed to the hospital with contractions every 5 minutes. after the routine checks we were sent home with pain meds because with each contraction i thought she would pop out of my spine. at 5:30 that next morning my water broke and off we went back to the hospital, five days after my due date. labor was tough...okay that is putting it mildly, it was miserable. this close to 8lb baby (as my doctor thought) was sunnyside up and all my labor was in my back. *** after almost 4 hours of pushing, a nurse straddling me and jeff a shade of very white (though i have to say he was an amazing birth partner all three times) our first daughter was born at 9lb 4oz and 22" long. because of her size izzy needed a bottle of formula to stabilize her sugar count and my exhaustion from 4 hours of hard labor jeff was the first to hold her.

flash forward 3 years and here we are with three girls and yet, every time i look at izzy i know she will always hold a special place in our hearts. she changed our lives, our marriage and our began our family. happy birthday izabel jean....mommy and daddy love you bunches!

**first was five years earlier during my last year in college.....i was broke and ate beans and tuna fish and ran 40 miles a week.

***two out of three of the girls were like this....annie was by far the easiest birth because she was in the canal correctly without help from the ole doc.