WANTED: super human powers...

so, obviously i have not done so well in the blogging department. while i could come up with a dozen or more excuses i really don't have a great one. mainly, i despise coming to the office to blog. i walk in sit down and see the mail, the bills to be paid, the vendor invoices, the long list of people not paying us, etc and my head wants to explode, therefore, i know the only blog coming from my fingers would be an ugly one. not just ugly but down right debbie downer jumps off the trinity river bridge on I-30 somewhere between pappasito's and botanic gardens.

my husband (can i still call him that after we have been living in separate cities and lives for the majority of the past seven months) is on his way home some time this weekend. i am sure it is only for a few days and only because his brother is coming in town and maybe because he wants to trim the trees and build a chicken coup, however, i will tell myself it is because he misses cuddling at night (dude, don't get upset when i use the entire king size bed for just me, i have become accustom to this), wants to celebrate my 34th birthday and wonders just how big my belly is these days. HA, HA......
things have been a little rough around here, i have been more depressed due to husband's lack of presence and my feeling all alone with the girls and pregnant. not that jeff is one of those guys who keeps up with a pregnancy and all the changes, most of the time he totally forgets the bun is in the oven until he see me and then i see the confused look on his face....uh, how did she get pregnant again......did i know this??? but, it is a lonely world when the only person to feel this creature, i mean wonderful baby girl, kicking, moving, hiccuping is my 2 1/2 year old. who is obsessed with "her baby" in my tummy, especially when cade's friends around; kinda hard to explain to her mommy does not like to "show" the boys "your baby". anyhoo, i have been in a dump....last week i could not stop crying for days, i really was on the verge of calling the doctor to ask for some type of hormone control!

last tuesday went something like this...
we headed out to central market for our weekly buys, rolled through the store quickly grabbing what we needed all the while opening every package for bribes trying to keep the girls still. we grabbed lunch, headed outside, parked the grocery cart, i struggled with both girls back into the store to snag a high chair, quickly shoved without swallowing half a turkey sandwich down while trying to keep some of their food on the table, moved on to the playground, realizing izzy had poo poo, thought about the fight that would follow if i took both from playground, decided playing in poo for five minutes would be okay, received text from cade about lunch money (still has not learned how to give me notice), tried to make a game out of heading to the parking lot to go home for naps.....WHEN THE WORLD ENDED!
izzy was doing great, walking like a big girl, singing, looking at birds when she tripped over the parking bumper hitting the pavement with a skid. as she screams (she has some lungs) i quickly push the shopping cart up to my bumper to keep annie from riding down the hill and into james avery, pick izzy up blood coming out of several places (her chin, lip and nose) try to console her now remembering she also had poo pants, then remember to look over my shoulder because annie was not strapped in for the quick trip across the parking lot to she her throwing all the groceries out of the bags onto the sidewalk. oh, my phone is ringing, of course, my head is wondering which service calls i am missing because kenny was not booked yet for the week. first things first, izzy will not die from crying and bleeding, but annie may hurt herself falling out of cart, so i buckle annie in, change izzy's diaper while giving her bag of frozen edamame to hold on her mouth (phone rings again and again). at this point i am picking food up off the ground and throwing it into the back of my truck and finally look at my phone. (first thought was i will kill jeff if he is calling me over and over to ask me a random question) unfortunately, it was one of our guys, the one who was picking up french doors for the nursery that were to be installed the next day. he has now called me four times during my breakdown.....i now receive a text from jeff, "what, french doors, where" (remember jeff is in new orleans) and i have gone from verge of tears to being so angry i might explode. baby #3 is worked up because my blood pressure is up and i hurl the turkey sandwich next to the yogurt that burst on the pavement as i shut the door to my truck and begin to cry!
i call our guy back and inform him of how he has just sent me over the edge (may have used a few choice words and he and i have not spoken since) and that yes, the french door, that i have not told my husband about yet, can indeed go to the shop until the morning and to never call me repeatedly unless he is on the same job as my husband who has just fallen from a twenty foot ladder! i send jeff the following message, "for the nursery i am doing ALL BY MYSELF" and cry all the way to nw ftw. i never really stopped crying that day until around 9:30 once i ate half a pint of ben and jerry's...everything but the kitchen sink and found my way to bed.
almost forgot, during the whole episode in the parking lot....a dozen people walked past me and stared, a dozen people walked than ran past me while gawking. for future reference, i do appreciate when you offer to load my groceries and explain how many years ago you were doing the same all alone and can "remember" how it is.....the thing is you only offer when me and my children are laughing and singing a song while we do it, you never offer when i can REALLY use the extra hand. so if you see a mom in the position i was last week, PLEASE stop and offer a hand, even to entertain the one left in the cart while the mom tries to determine if the bleeder needs stitches.

on a different note, i am better this week, i can almost see the end to when jeff will be home for a few days. cade deserves a big high five for missing only one question on the 8th grade reading taks test. (i will take some credit too) really, i thought we would be retesting all summer to get to nineth grade, however, math is next week.

i have given up cursing....i realized the other day, before jeff, i would not say the "f" word for money and now it comes out way to freely. (once girls are in bed or i am outside) i realized i have a problem when i dropped a few "f" bombs walking down the hall thinking every one was asleep on the other side of the house to walk past the office and see one of cade's friends on the computer and his jaw on the floor. after apologizing i came to grips that i have a problem....so i am doing my best to control my tongue. not to mention, izzy is a sponge soaking up everything. she has been asking me for days if i got my i-phone yet??? really, she picked up my repeated comment about an i-phone over the last 6 months and connected it!

well, i have officially lost the girls nap time and must now jungle them and everything else again. oh, i am in the search for a nanny....someone to take on some of this so i can work better hours and find some time for ME. i have been referred some great websites but will also take any other suggestions! i was slapped in the face with the fact i really am not super human!